I think I have an Evil Twin

My friend Ryan linked me this sweet, sweet music video yesterday


First impulse: it looks like I choreographed this. Second impulse: HOLY SHIT IS THAT ME?!?!?!

Seriously, check out around the 2:30 mark.
VISUAL EVIDENCE

Vs.


We even have some of the same dance moves.



WTF. I'm going to sue this bitch for being-me infringement. Or make a really hot make-out vid. Still not sure.

IT'S ON THE INTERNET - IT MUST BE TRUE

BOUNTY OFFERED FOR TITPONY MANWHORE'S KILLER

SYDNEY — Australian police have posted a 1.0 million dollar (927,000 US) reward for a man suspected to have ordered the killing of a self-proclaimed titpony.

Police in the southeastern state of Victoria said Monday they had offered the bounty to help find Wayne McFakeName who is wanted in relation to the 2003 murder of male prostitute Tawny Jon Horse-Johnson, who posed as a centaur because, come on, that is obviously what women want.
...
"The sort of wickedness that's been revealed in this case, it's uncommon, but I'm afraid it's not absolutely off the wall," The Police Man said when asked whether it was the most bizarre case he had seen.

marymo (2:09:03 AM): WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN
marymo (2:09:05 AM):
alex (2:09:40 AM): :-?
alex (2:10:00 AM): ?:-|
marymo (2:10:06 AM): ?_?
alex (2:10:49 AM): ?*_*?

you know what... however much i appreciate punkspression, there are things i just don't understand.
also, i am drunk. i got my two laydeez night $free.00 Hendricks and tonics. also, my last two adventures in going out to the bars alone and getting very drunk have ended in success (not raep). i needs some friends.

via Toothpaste for Dinner

today when i came into work, there was a bin labeled "chochlate expresso beans" and i visibly shuddered before i ran to the label maker that i have nicknamed "baby maker" and fix'd it.

also, shout out to all my Geography Bee winners out there who are spending their lives giving bad directions and winning at bar trivia.

Malts

I think I am going to write a screenplay about working in a mall in the 21st century.

Something that happened today:
Mall Cop: Hey there (blah blah blah small talk)
Mall Cop: How old are you?
Me: 22. I'm oooold.
Mall Cop: That's not old.
Me: It is in mall years.

This isn't really that funny of an exchange, except that when you ask a mall employee how old she is, you're really asking "Is it legal for me to stick it in you?"

GOTH PHASE

Working in a mall makes me miss my goth phase. I love the suburbs where bondage pants are still relevant! I bought my bondage pants in 2005 for $2 at Value Village and then I got too fat for them.

Gothic media dump:


Damn, Christina Ricci looks hot.


CRIPES.


I love these guys. And I totally saw Big Grand at the mall today.

Goth, Metalhead Overcome Subcultural Differences to Find Love
This was my relationship spring/summer 2005.




Likes this.

Drunk History 4 - Featuring Paul Schneider - watch more funny videos

me (12:32:26 AM): i want a doughy beardy guy to get drunk and talk to me about history
mike (12:32:48 AM): dont we all

winwar

This week I imported my Canadian boyfriend for some cuddles and Scrabbles and then today I sent him back to Madison.

I've been excessively unproductive. To make myself feel better, a list of accomplishments:
1) ran a 5k for the cure, while listening to The Cure
2) won an XL purple t-shirt and some whiskey-branded shoe polish at pub quiz
3) found an awesome floral-print top at Value Village
4) baked oat bran muffins for Mike's 24th birthday tmrw
5) learned to play "Lust for Life" by Girls on guitar

spare change

i'm going to go through my room and look for quarters because i want to plug the jukebox tonight until i hear "heartbeats" by the knife.


(video reblogged from the tastemakers at PicklesDickles )

last night i typed in "dlickr.com" when trying to update my flickr.

whoops.

Stress Relief

I like to deal with stress by baking. My first summer alone in Madison, I'd make cookies or Mary Mo's Po' as Broke Cake whenever I felt down. Which was kind of a lot. Then, I got a job at a late night bakery and it was the shit and no matter how much drama there was, I could just bake some cookies and feel better.



Now my need for a job with benefits and my desire for a chubby friend with benefits are reaching critical mass and I think I'm going to deal with it by baking. A lot.

Last night I made brownies. They are good. I will fatten you up and make you cuddle with me. I plan on making a new kind of cupcake every week.

This site kind of merges the feelings I have about stress and baked goods. Stir away your anxieties and put them in the oven for 45 minutes at 365degrees.

Everyone has issues. Hide them in the pantry with your cupcakes.

Also, if you are a fat kid, I will make you cupcakes if you cuddle with me. Just let me know...