I think I have an Evil Twin

My friend Ryan linked me this sweet, sweet music video yesterday


First impulse: it looks like I choreographed this. Second impulse: HOLY SHIT IS THAT ME?!?!?!

Seriously, check out around the 2:30 mark.
VISUAL EVIDENCE

Vs.


We even have some of the same dance moves.



WTF. I'm going to sue this bitch for being-me infringement. Or make a really hot make-out vid. Still not sure.

IT'S ON THE INTERNET - IT MUST BE TRUE

BOUNTY OFFERED FOR TITPONY MANWHORE'S KILLER

SYDNEY — Australian police have posted a 1.0 million dollar (927,000 US) reward for a man suspected to have ordered the killing of a self-proclaimed titpony.

Police in the southeastern state of Victoria said Monday they had offered the bounty to help find Wayne McFakeName who is wanted in relation to the 2003 murder of male prostitute Tawny Jon Horse-Johnson, who posed as a centaur because, come on, that is obviously what women want.
...
"The sort of wickedness that's been revealed in this case, it's uncommon, but I'm afraid it's not absolutely off the wall," The Police Man said when asked whether it was the most bizarre case he had seen.

marymo (2:09:03 AM): WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN
marymo (2:09:05 AM):
alex (2:09:40 AM): :-?
alex (2:10:00 AM): ?:-|
marymo (2:10:06 AM): ?_?
alex (2:10:49 AM): ?*_*?

you know what... however much i appreciate punkspression, there are things i just don't understand.
also, i am drunk. i got my two laydeez night $free.00 Hendricks and tonics. also, my last two adventures in going out to the bars alone and getting very drunk have ended in success (not raep). i needs some friends.

via Toothpaste for Dinner

today when i came into work, there was a bin labeled "chochlate expresso beans" and i visibly shuddered before i ran to the label maker that i have nicknamed "baby maker" and fix'd it.

also, shout out to all my Geography Bee winners out there who are spending their lives giving bad directions and winning at bar trivia.

Malts

I think I am going to write a screenplay about working in a mall in the 21st century.

Something that happened today:
Mall Cop: Hey there (blah blah blah small talk)
Mall Cop: How old are you?
Me: 22. I'm oooold.
Mall Cop: That's not old.
Me: It is in mall years.

This isn't really that funny of an exchange, except that when you ask a mall employee how old she is, you're really asking "Is it legal for me to stick it in you?"

GOTH PHASE

Working in a mall makes me miss my goth phase. I love the suburbs where bondage pants are still relevant! I bought my bondage pants in 2005 for $2 at Value Village and then I got too fat for them.

Gothic media dump:


Damn, Christina Ricci looks hot.


CRIPES.


I love these guys. And I totally saw Big Grand at the mall today.

Goth, Metalhead Overcome Subcultural Differences to Find Love
This was my relationship spring/summer 2005.




Likes this.

Drunk History 4 - Featuring Paul Schneider - watch more funny videos

me (12:32:26 AM): i want a doughy beardy guy to get drunk and talk to me about history
mike (12:32:48 AM): dont we all